SOME ANSWER TO COMMON QUESTIONS

• Can a child lie about being abused?
It is true that children are very imaginative but in relation to Abuse they do NOT lie. A girl or boy cannot tell about an abusive situation unless she/he has experienced it. In fact because of the child´s psychosexual development, an episode of this magnitude can not be created in their mind. Nevertheless, it is known that a small percentage (3%) of girls and boys can be influenced by adults and lie about having been victims of sexual abuse (Cases of divorce, disputes about holding them, etc)

• What I do if a girl or boy is abused?
In case the sexual offender is the father, you should make the mother be aware of the danger it means for the rest of children at home. If the mother does not tell about the abuse and denies to keep the father away from the child or to denounce it, you have to bring the case to The Infancy Defense Office, anonymously if you want. Otherwise, you should talk to their parents or tutors and tell about it. You should try to avoid the child being in contact with the sexual offender again. You should give the child emotional support and look for the recovery with professionals.

• What do I do if I know a person who is a sexual abuser?
The abusers are relapse. This means that the sexual offender is about to repeat it with another child. They can abuse 300 children in their life. You must denounce it to avoid other crimes. Though the person recognizes he has done it and gets repentant, he will not be able to change his attitude by himself. A long specific treatment is needed and in the best of cases, three in ten can be restored.

• How can I know if a child has suffered from sexual abuse? 
If we identify indicators of sexual abuse, we must be alert about them: The child has pain, blooding injure in the genital and anal area. The child pulls out her hair, eyebrows, and eyelashes. He/she suffers from encopresis, self-mutilation, depression, thoughts of suicide, premature pregnancy with an unknown partner. He/she suffers from sexually transmitted illnesses. He/she behaves in a sensual way or he/she is obsessed in relation to sex in conversations, drawings, television, jokes, films. The child is afraid of somebody in particular, a place or wants to spend too much time with that person. The child has nightmares, recurrent phobias and at the time of retelling the story  he/she sees him/herself as if he/she were in a dream (disassociation). They kiss with tongues, also is an indicator, when it happens with other boys or girls younger or between boys/girls of the same age.

• How can I help somebody who has suffered from sexual abuse?
If the person is a boy, girl or adolescent, we must believe in them. Make them be aware of the fact that they are not guilty of what they have gone through and offer your support. The child has to know that what has happened to him/her is not normal and that other children have suffered the same but that recovery is possible. Invite them to Workshops at EPASI in order to work on their self-esteem, to make them aware of the limits of their body and to know what to do to defend themselves and to escape from abusive situations. That person needs to feel unconditional love, to know he/she is important and worthy. An early recovery is essential to avoid further consequences to prevent him or her from being a future abuser.

• How can I realize a man is an abuser?
There are no visible or specific characteristics in a person who is an abuser. Anyway, there are some common features among them: 90% are men. They choose boys or girls with unsatisfied psychoaffective needs from the family or other relatives. Then the child trusts in the abuser. The majority was abused when they were children. They have no good relations with their partners.  They look for occupations and professions which bring them closer to the children (Pediatric doctors, teachers, drivers, shop keepers, cyber´owners, etc) They do not have any known psychiatric illness. They are conscious of their acts. They plan the abuse before hand. They do not have empathy nor pain for the victim. They come into contact with other pedophiles to hold their ideas and justify their abuse.

Any doubt, contact us on epasi@hotmail.com